The Stuff

Why pay for chicken eggs when you can make your own? Try MyEggs.

Time to make fun of American eating habits:

New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less

Patton Oswalt on KFC’s famous bowls (which is REAL):

Today the cafeteria was crawling with roaches. I don’t know what bothers me more: roaches, or the fact that the cafeteria is filthy enough to host them. Sorry lady, those aren’t dates and raisins in the oatmeal, so don’t even try to charge me extra.

The other thing that bothers me is old people who sample grapes and cherries at supermarkets. You’ve seen them — old women loitering around the grapes, reaching their bingo-marker-stained fingers into the bags. I can’t buy a bag without it being pre-opened and a few fruits snapped off.

My worst experience with this phenomena was at the Whole Foods. I left one of my grocery bags at the cashiers, noticed I left it when I was loading my groceries in my car, and returned to get it. By the time I returned, the cashier had sent my bag to the customer service desk — where there was a woman with a fist full of my cherries in her hand. She didn’t even bother to apologize and handed me my bag with one hand, and stuffed my cherries in her mouth with the other. I stopped shopping at Whole Foods after that (until I forgot last week and bought beer and cheese there).

Banned Snickers Ad featuring Mr. T.

Mr. T. pities the fool who banned his commercial.

What is the greatest company in the history of the planet earth? The Pabst Brewing Company of course. Pabst owns not only Pabst Blue Ribbon, but also, Old Milwaukee, Colt 45, Schlitz, Schlitz Malt Liquor (Bull), Schmidt, Stroh’s, McSorleys, Schaefer, St. Ides, Blatz, Piels, Pearl, Ballantine (”with the puzzool on the cap”), Champale, Olympia, and Black Label. No one company has brought more joy to grandfathers, blue collar workers, poor college students, people who wear ironic tshirts, and bad MFs than Pabst.

By the way, for people on the fence about these beers: the best way to drink them is ice cold in a glass, while sitting in an easy chair after you just cut the lawn.

What one company owns the Cisco, Wild Irish Rose, Paul Masson, Arbor Mist, and Manischewitz brands? The Centerra Wine Company, that’s who. Thanks to Bum Wine for the tip.

Speaking of fun, check out these classic Orson Welles outtakes:

Obviously Orson enjoyed Paul Masson’s excellent sparkling wines.

Is Corn Making America Fat. Yes. Next question…

Actually, I would say Americans are making themselves fat, but some don’t know (or care) that they can mitigate the issue by exercising, and avoiding processed carbs, a lot of which contain corn. But don’t listen to me — I weigh 270 and ate Peeps for dinner last night.

Corn is in pretty much everything from soda to Cheetos. Everything that’s fun and tasty, in other words…

Watch:

Americans will back off the tasty corn products now that prices are going up because of a rise in the use of Ethanol. That’s my take.

I coined a new phrase: ironic eating. Ironic eating is when you eat something you normally would not or should not just to be ironic.

Examples of ironic eating include:

• Corn dogs
• Anything fried, that normally is not fried (ice cream, candy, pie, Twinkies, Coke). Typically at a state fair.
• Hot Pockets
• Monte Christos
• Insects
• A bowl of eel, especially when you know it gives you the gout (guilty!)
• 18″ Pixie Stix
• Novelty candy shaped like genitalia
• Giant portions of food found at most American chain resturants
• Giant 11 pound hamburgers
• Cluck-U Chicken 911 sauce wings
• Sonya Thomas.

Nobody makes gumbo in my county, so I was back at the Whole Foods loading up on brew to have a reality TV and drinking Mardi Gras tonight. Basically drinking a gallon on beer and wishing Kim from LA Ink was my lady. Anyway my third brew was a pint and 6oz of Arrogant Bastard Ale — is that the best name ever or what? And the slogan is “You’re Not Worthy” — and you’re probably not! Arrogant Bastard Ale has just the right amount of suds, a cool sunrise brown color, and the coolest aroma — it doesn’t smell like plain old beer, it smells like fresh hops. And the taste is great too — substantial and unique — great solo or with a meal. What a great find - 9 out of 10. Just a great, honest, classic brew.

Link: Arrogant Bastard Ale

I found myself at the Whole Foods the other day. When I shop at Whole Foods the outcome is rarely good. I shop there and I think: this place is great, everything is healthy and organic. What happens is I end up buying a cart full of decadent carbs and beer. Whole Foods is 1% healthy and the other 99% is pure decadence.

Anyway, the other day I came home with a 6 pack of Brooklyn Brewery Black Chocolate Stout; it’s decadent, and it’s a tasty beer. As the name suggests it is both a stout and chocolaty — not sweet chocolate, dark, bitter chocolate. It’s almost like drinking a Guinness (the benchmark for stouts) mixed with a little cocoa and some cold coffee — I’ve mixed Guinness and cold coffee before and it takes the stout experience to a whole other level of the game. Back to the Black Chocolate Stout: the head is thick, and forms quickly — at first it’s almost pudding-like — unlike Guinness, but unique and remarkable.

Overall I’d give this beer an 8 out of 10, and I will buy it again.