The Stuff

Well, it’s Shark Week on the Discovery Channel — better known as the week I sit on my couch like a barnacle on a rock, and avoid the sea (100 yards from my home) despite the astronomical odds that a shark will eat me. Actually if a shark wants to eat me, fine. I’m okay with that. It’s maiming that I want to avoid.

The shame is I’ve only watched the Dirty Jobs episode so far. What have I done instead: napped, searched the various *chan websites for wacky images, read a book about singing insects, watched the entire seasons 2 and 3 of Arrested Development… I need to get my priorities straight — I need to set the DVR to record some shark programs tonight.

By the way, this t-shirt is bound to offend some people:

Those people need to make a t-shirt that says “Turkeys… Really Just Hetero Peacocks”.

Nothing says “the evening is about to suck” like unpacking a new computer to find it is already busted (or maybe just lame crap from the place that sues you if your name is Jack Cafferty), and receiving the soundtrack to the movie Ali when you wanted ALL’s greatest hits. Could be worse, I could be eating pies made of mud, so I’ll shut up now.

Moment of decadence # 1:
People see me and they think “look at him, he looks like eat eats at Taco Bell every night” but they are wrong. Left to my own devices I pretty much eat wholesome, vegetarian food that I cook myself. Sure, once a month I succumb to cheese dogs at the Windmill, or General Tso’s chicken, but pretty much I eat healthy food (and cookies).

Anyway, here’s what I fixed my self for dinner tonight in recipe form:
Take one large yam and nuke it for 12 minutes, then slice it into about 8 disks. Then heat a skillet on medium high and pour some Extra Virgin olive oil in it. I know, I know, extra virgin is for drizzling and not frying, but this is decadent food. Then you put the slices of yam in the skillet and sprinkle Garam Masala spice and Saigon cinnamon — liberal, decadent sprinklings. Then sprinkle with a pinch of sea salt. Fry them up until they’re crispy on at least one side. Put them on a plate, and eat while warm. Sweet, crispy and delightful.

I also had broccoli rabe, an orange and some black grapes, washed down with coffee — but that part isn’t decadent and barely worth mentioning.

Moment of decadence # 2:
I’m keen on maintaining my dental health, especially after dropping about 10 grand on my grille a few years ago. I own an electric tooth brush, a Waterpick, and I floss, and use Listerine as well. Tonight I filled the Waterpick with some Listerine and did two steps of my tooth regimen at once — very decadent considering the price of Listerine. That’s how rich people do it.

Another thought about electric toothbrushes: they’re a great way to save water. Most people need to hear water running when the brush their teeth — I know, I did too. Now that I’ve been using the electric tooth brush for about 4 years I don’t need to hear he water running. Sounds crazy, but it works, and I’m saving the planet by not using a gallon of water every time I scrub my face porcelain.