The Stuff

Eaten Alive

Dark Sky Films DVD

Review for Legends Magazine by Dan Century

Eaten Alive opens with with a shot Robert “Freddy Kruger” Englund’s crotch as he delivers the memorable line: “My name is Buck, I’m raring to fuck”*. Buck is a local scumbag, looking for some $20 sodomy from the newest hooker at the local whorehouse run by Carolyn “Morticia Adams” Jones. The newbie whore wants no part of Buck’s buggery, and is kicked out of the whorehouse for disappointing Buck. With no where else to go, the whore seeks shelter at a creepy hotel run by local weirdo Judd (a role inspired by real life Texas killer Joe Ball). Judd’s hotel is set alongside a steamy swamp, complete with a hissing crocodile, ancient country music, patina covered walls, creepy mannequins, a sickly monkey and garish primary-colored lighting. The red, blue, cyan and purple lighting contrasts with large areas of complete darkness and long, jagged shadows, making the set appear warped and sinister, like a haunted insane asylum for circus performers. Many of the high-contrast/duo-color scenes look like pages torn from a Frank Miller comic book.

Judd is about as creepy a hotel manager as you would ever hope not to meet: disheveled hair, broken glasses, wooden leg, a coke habit (”happy C made me feel better already”) and a bi-polar personality with homicidal tendencies. More than anything in life, Judd seems to love his pet crocodile, and how it tore apart a mule, leaving the “front part screaming”. Croc will “eat anything, eat anything at all”. “No ordinary ‘gator, that’s a croc.” Yadda, yadda. Creepy enough to make any intelligent lodger turn tail and head for the nearest Red Roof Inn. Wisdom isn’t a commodity in this film, and everyone including drug dealers, whores, pill-popping wives, emasculated city slickers, sickly old men, and little girls aren’t safe from Judd and his croc. Even Snoopy the dog is doomed.

The kill count in Eaten Alive is respectable, but the gore is a little conservative. Considering the garish lighting of the set and the over-the-top acting of Neville Brand (Judd), I expected buckets of red bubbling blood, and barrels of quivering guts. I suppose most of the blood and guts end up in the croc’s belly anyway. There is an gristly scythe through the neck moment, ending in a scythe/human body/croc tug of war that is worth seeing.

The DVD comes with two entertaining featurettes: one interview with Robert Englund, and a documentary about Joe Ball, the Texas woman killer who the inspired the film. Eaten Alive is director Tobe Hooper’s follow up to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Eaten Alive is a classic, wacky b-horror film, with a quality cast, interesting visuals, a decent kill count and full frontal nudity — crucial classic horror movie viewing.

* Quentin Tarantino nicked this line for Kill Bill 1, a fact to impress your movie geek friends with.