Last weekend I went camping in the Catskills for a buddy’s bachelor party, and on my way to the campsite I spotted what looked like rocket ships tricked out to look like 1950s custom cars. The artist who created these custom culture works of art is Steve Heller, and you can find his shop on route 28 in Boiceville, New York. If you’re in the area, it’s worth the trip to check out the sculptures and Steve’s custom-car inspired furniture.
Last week I went on vacation. How did I do it? I drove. I drove over 1300 miles, and got 33 miles to the gallon in my 7 year old Honda Accord. The total gas bill came to $160, which was about $1000 cheaper than what it would have cost to fly (I just priced the trip on an airlines site). Sure, it cost me about 22 hours of drive time, but considering that the last time I flew I waited almost 12 hours in the airport, I think I made the right choice. Plus, you can’t see wacky crap like this from a plane.
So what’s my point(s):
There’s no need to stay home on your vacation. That’s bullshit. Staycations are bullshit (unless something totally awesome is happening in your area like a cicada emergence).
Driving is cheaper than flying (unless you drive a real gas pig).
Yes, gas prices are crazy high, but are you going to wait until it’s $10 per gallon (and you know that’s where it’s headed) and then regret never having driven across country? Don’t complain — you should have seen this coming 8 years ago and invested in Exxon, gold and bullets (the currency of the end times).
Global warming is real, but it doesn’t come from cars or Chinese factories, it comes from the fact that distance between the sun and the earth is getting smaller, and it’s a lot less scary for Al Gore to say “it’s Hummers that dos it” than “in 347 years the earth is going to fall into the sun”.
Time to take my sleeping pills! Goodnight!
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We don’t have Honey Badger in the USA, and thank goodness we don’t! Watch this clip from my favorite non-fiction TV show, TopGear, to see why a beast with such a sweet sounding name is in fact quite scary.
Two pints of Yuengling Porter (link) + one episode of Top Gear + Zig Ziglar = a night full of dreams about women and cars.
The story starts at home with a dinner of chicken tenders, an apple and two pints of Porter. After dinner entertainment was found on BBC America: the episode of TopGear (the greatest non-fiction television program ever — I’ll explain this at another time) where Clarkson showcases the Jaguar XKR. Then to the computer room to load Zig Ziglar on my iPod (and download Knoppix and Gnoppix, answer emails). Zig Ziglar is a motivational speaker (goals, etc). I dream when I drink, the XKR is undoubtedly the most beautiful automobile in its price range, and Zig’s telling me to set goals, which brings me to my dreams…
In my dream I bought a XKR silver convertible, and presented it to every woman I’ve ever loved (key: not lusted for — that would be a very long dream). Without fail, each woman questioned my rational for buying such an expensive vehicle ($95K before haggling), I lied to each of them about the price (said it was in the mid $30K range), but most importantly each woman absolutely loved the car — each woman complimented the car on its beauty and gleefully went for a ride. There, presented for you, a dream by a man with fully-formed frontal lobes; a dream that presents the true purpose of dreaming: to exercise mind through scenarios based on your perceived needs and desires. The mammalian/hunter brain running scenarios and scripts at night; testing, predicting and preparing your mind for the real life.
I would love to possess a Jaguar XKR, and it wouldn’t be a bad thing if women loved me for it.
